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Behold: The Tiki of Unlimited Abundance |
bigbrotiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 7054
From: Tiki Island, above the Silverlake
|  Posted: 2006-01-08 4:03 pm
Since the BOOK OF TIKI was published in September 2000, images from its pages have been copied for CD covers, web sites, paintings, shirts, boxer shorts, erasers, and other products, and I have enjoyed them as proof of its influence on contemporary pop culture.
But never would I have believed to come upon such flagrantly unauthorized, absurd and hilarious abuse such as this, being entirely composed from art and images from my book. In essence this is a classic junk mail scam, asking little old ladies to mail in money for miraculous results.
I feel very conflicted, since this is the funniest thing I have ever come across, right up my alley, along the lines of the Church of Subgenius and other cult parodies. As a matter of fact, it is like taking the mock scientific style of my book to its logical conclusion, pronouncing it to be a REAL cult! Yet I fear that there is a remote possibility that someone will actually buy into this stuff, even though the text and concept are so far out there, it all seems like a joke. Let's hope no one does.
And now, without further ado, behold in disbelief the miracle of the LAST GREAT TIKI OF UNLIMITED ABUNDANCE mail scam (These and more letter pages were passed onto me by Tiki Tony, who got them from a neighbor):
The photo of the author, "Great Maori Magus HAAPAPE TUARII", (also see below) actually depicts a Mai Kai waiter pouring a flaming drink (from page 160 of the BOT, the mugs are from p. 177).
Mr. Tuari wants you to transfer 50.- bucks to his SWISS BANK ACCOUNT (!) (see green box w. "Important Note" under his photo) in return for receiving the BIG LOTTO JACKPOT MAGIC of the TIKI OF UNLIMITED ABUNDANCE.
I scanned the pages large in the hopes the text can be read on TC, it's just too much to copy down here. This guy's stupefying, never-ending flow of text proves to me that he: a .) must be an American in full command of the language; and b.) has done this type of scam before, with other concepts.
It's all very easy: Cut image of Tiki along dotted line, place between palms of both hands for one minute, and it will be charged with your PERSONAL KARMIC IMPRINT! Remit with your 50,- bucks, and all sorts of luck will befall you. (This by the way is the only truly ancient Tiki that I used in the BOT, on page 21... maybe he knew!??)
Just in case there was any doubt that the Book of Tiki was his exclusive source, this extensive layout has an abundance of photos and graphics all from its pages. The photo of the Shelter Isle Apartments in Arcadia is retitled here as "the magic place where Haapape Tuarii practices the great ritual ceremonies of the solstice" and the TIKI DRIVE street sign supposedly now stands in Papeete, Tahiti, not Orange County.
Needles to comment on this image, but the scan nicely shows the cheap quality of the paper used for the letter pages. And in case you haven't been hypnotized by the Magus' endless drivel yet, take this:
And what's a good scam with out "Authentic witness statements", of which this is just one of many pages (as exception to the rule, both photos are NOT from the BOT):
Unbelievable...but real. Not a parody. I thought about sending in 50.- and finding out more...
[ This Message was edited by: bigbrotiki 2006-01-08 17:24 ]
[ Edited by: hanford_lemoore - Added TC link to Book Of Tiki on Amazon.com - 2006-01-09 17:40 ]
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
| Posted: 2006-01-08 4:06 pm
That is truly awesome. Awesome, hilarious, confusing, titillating, and exciting all in one. I'm getting a mild tingling feeling just reading it, maybe I need to send in 50 bucks!
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Humuhumu
Grand Member (5 years) 
Joined: Aug 22, 2002
Posts: 3481
From: San Francisco
| Posted: 2006-01-08 4:13 pm
Oh my. Oh. My. This is truly beautiful. So completely bizarre. Wow.
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midnite
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 1206
From: 37? 47' N, 122? 26' W
| Posted: 2006-01-08 4:27 pm
I will have the physical sensation that the HORN OF PLENTY will heap its treasures on me - like a magic well that never runs dry!
No way, Jose. No unending shower of treasures for me. I made a similar mistake back in '87, when I first moved to San Francisco, going into the neighborhood watering hole. I thought the "Midnight Sun" was right up my alley. I mean, I am Cpt Midnite. Ohh, I was sorely mistaken. While I do like leather, and enjoy a friendly wrestling match, just not that much! Physical sensation...in a way.
I am still, 18 years later, trying to get some "Karmic Imprints" out of my suede loafers. Had to throw out the socks.
Are the French behind this?
Haapape midnite
ps Let me tell you a story. I go to a small college in the mid-west, and I never thought these letters were true. Then one night, there was a knock on my door. Before me was a big ole horny dude from "plenty"(?), and he said he had a well that never went dry, wanted to heap me.
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MrBaliHai
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 01, 2002
Posts: 665 | Posted: 2006-01-08 4:39 pm
Unbelievable. This is like some weird mash-up of Nigerian e-mail SPAM and Robert Tilton, with a Martin Denny soundtrack.
I thought about sending in 50.
Hell, you deserve to sit at the right hand of the great Maori Magus, and receive a cut of the take. Get a couple of Hollywood stars onboard and this could be bigger than Scientology!
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Weblog: Eye of the Goof
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Loki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Nov 04, 2005
Posts: 541
From: Boca Raton, FL
| Posted: 2006-01-08 5:10 pm
OMFG. Thats just Wrong!
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GMAN
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 14, 2005
Posts: 2931
From: My Island
| Posted: 2006-01-08 5:45 pm
You mean I sent my money in on a scam? I won't be getting 30 million from the Lotto? I was really counting on the added income.
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http://www.oceanandislandarts.blogspot.com/
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thejab
Grand Member (first year) 
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2913
From: Forbidden Island, CA
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:08 pm
Quote:
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On 2006-01-08 16:03, bigbrotiki wrote:I feel very conflicted, since this is the funniest thing I have ever come across, right up my alley, along the lines of the Church of Subgenius and other cult parodies.
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The Church of the Subgenius is a parody?
WWBD?
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aquarj
Grand Member (6 years) 
Joined: Apr 02, 2002
Posts: 735
From: SF bay area, CA
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:33 pm
Another one of the many oddities in that flyer:
The Japanese testimonial from "Yukiko" is accompanied by a photo that is almost certainly a male kabuki actor, in costume. "I was single and men scarcely noticed me..." indeed!
-Randy
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aquarj
Grand Member (6 years)
Joined: Apr 02, 2002
Posts: 735
From: SF bay area, CA
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:36 pm
BTW, question from a tiki nerd. What is the border graphic on the collage page from? That looks similar to the inside pages of the dinner menu from the Lanai in San Mateo, but it looks different from any of the specific pages I remember. Maybe the same artist, for a different menu?
-Randy
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SoccerTiki
Grand Member (4 years) 
Joined: Feb 24, 2005
Posts: 1089
From: TheSoccerTikiGrotto, Island of LongBeach
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:36 pm
Can I print the form right from here and send it in with $50 to get my "prodigious Sensor of flagrant luck and miraculous wealth..."? I would also like to "trigger a rainbow of prodigious wealth and win a minimum of 30 million dollars in the next great lotto jackpot"!!!!!
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RevBambooBen
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 5781
From: Huntington Beach
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:42 pm
AWESOME!!!
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8FT Tiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: 985
From: Kansas City, MO
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:56 pm
[quote]
As a matter of fact, it is like taking the mock scientific style of my book to its logical conclusion, pronouncing it to be a REAL cult!
MY god, (literally). I did not know I was in the BOT cult. That might explain why my family was planning some sort of intervention.
I told them to get lost or come in and help me repaint 8FT's Tropidise. (That's a contraction of tropical & Paradise). Well, enough of this idol talk, I gotta mail a check. Does anyone have a 39 cent stamp?
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I once was lost....... .....but now I'm found
[ This Message was edited by: 8FT Tiki 2006-01-08 19:00 ]
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The Sperm Whale
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 23, 2004
Posts: 1315
From: Hawthorne California
| Posted: 2006-01-08 6:58 pm
Quote:
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On 2006-01-08 16:03, bigbrotiki wrote:
Unbelievable...but real. Not a parody. I thought about sending in 50.- and finding out more...
[ This Message was edited by: bigbrotiki 2006-01-08 17:24 ]
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I double dog dare you!!! No really do it cause I want to know whats next!!!
Thank you for sharing this hilarious find!!!
Later,
Spermy
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EEEEeeeeeeAAAAaaaaaaOOOOooooooWWWWWwwwwWWWw
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hewey
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Sep 14, 2004
Posts: 4083
From: Sydney, Australia
| Posted: 2006-01-08 7:13 pm
...I will never use the extraordinary powers of the Great Tiki of Unlimited Abundance to cause harm, evil, or destruction...
Haha - what a find Sven! I think every home tiki bars needs this hanging up on their bar - very cool. Some pensioner probably sent her last bingo check in, it probably just avoided the slot machines anyway.
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