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Tiki Central Forums » » Bilge » » Things You've Learned From Movies & TV
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Things You've Learned From Movies & TV
Sophista-tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 13, 2005
Posts: 1893
From: Seattle WA
Posted: 2012-03-12 2:00 pm   Permalink

all ethnic main characters are played by white guys with a bad fake accent.
actual ethnic actors can only be secondary characters with bad broken english accents.
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Atomic Tiki Punk
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 19, 2009
Posts: 7048
From: Costa Misery
Posted: 2012-03-12 3:50 pm   Permalink

All Investigators (CSI,Coroner etc.) are much better equipped & trained on TV
DNA tests only take 24 hours on TV
All Technicians on TV are sexy!

Everyone drives a new car & no one has an old cell phone, WTF?


 
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Sophista-tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 13, 2005
Posts: 1893
From: Seattle WA
Posted: 2012-03-13 8:50 pm   Permalink

in the end everyone gets booked for murder 1

 
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bamalamalu
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 20, 2006
Posts: 903
Posted: 2012-03-13 9:23 pm   Permalink

Shoot for the head.

 
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VampiressRN
Grand Member (8 years)  

Joined: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 6153
From: Sun City Lincoln Hills (NorCal)
Posted: 2012-03-13 9:29 pm   Permalink

A zig-zag running pattern assures you will not be shot in the back.

Always keep the lights off at the murder scene and use small flashlights that are easily held in your mouth when you need to use both hands.

Often times you don't need gloves or safety goggles during an autopsy, especially when using the electric saw.

The song you want to know more about will be in huge print in the credits and move slowly on the screen so you have time to read it.

Bond will be back...
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woofmutt
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 2639
From: Seattilite Telstar
Posted: 2012-03-15 12:13 pm   Permalink

Your dream vacation or relaxing weekend getaway will be anything but.

At best you'll discover that the incredible cabin your boss/buddy/cousin-in-law loaned you is in fact a derelict shack in a less than desirable location. Or the wonderful hotel you booked lost your reservation/looked better in the pamphlet/is also hosting a "How to Deal With Your Problem Monkey" workshop.

But if the cabin is awesome or the hotel is beautiful but oddly empty of other guests or your campsite is incredible then you really need to worry because your trip will be a horrific nightmare that will probably only be survived by one or two in your party.

The better looking your group is the more horrific the events will be. If there's one black guy in a group of white people he will end up dead first. If it's not the lone black guy it will be the person who has the most useful skills for the situation. (That person, of course, could be the lone black guy, but in general the lone black guy is on the trip just to be the first one dead.) Anyone who decides to take their chances and make a run for it will end up dead.

If you can get through to law enforcement (highly unlikely as there will be no cell service in the area or the lines will be down or the radio, which was working when you got there, won't be working for one reason or another) they won't believe you when you tell them of the hell going on all around you. But if they do believe you and they actually show up they will either end up dead as soon as they step out of the car or will be in cahoots with whoever or whatever is causing problems.

But don't get all relieved and relaxed if you're the lucky one or two who get home alive because the person/creature you're pretty danged sure you killed in a fantastic explosion which blew up the cabin/hotel/campsite (yet fortunately did not start a massive forest fire) will find your house. Or you will end up returning to that same cabin/hotel/campsite either out of sheer stupidity or because you're the only one who can help a group of people going through the hell you went through.

Most all of the above will apply to any cross country backpacking/hitchhiking/road trip you decide to undertake.

There is an exception to all of the above: If you didn't want to go on the trip in the first place you will probably have a life changing experience (for the better) or you will be the one who escapes the hell.

But...If you didn't want to go on the trip in the first place and everyone else in your party/on the cruise/at the resort is having a wonderful time then you will have a really horrible time and be the person who gets thrown by the horse that "anyone can ride" or wanders into the poison oak or is served a bowl of dog food instead of the stew everyone else got. But stick with it as you will learn a valuable life affirming lesson in the end.


 
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Club Nouméa
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 03, 2010
Posts: 450
From: Wanganui
Posted: 2012-03-15 7:01 pm   Permalink

Sci-fi films and shows: teaching us all about physics and the far future...

Spacecraft in the far future all engage in close combat strongly reminiscent of WWII aerial dogfights.

The highly sophisticated space weaponry used in the far future is only effective at very close ranges, which is why they have to do this.

The advanced propulsion systems found in the small combat spacecraft of the far future cause them to behave and manoeuvre in space exactly the same way as fighter aircraft do in the Earth's atmosphere.

Their rockets must burn continually in order to overcome the air resistance found in the vacuum of space.

And they never use retro-rockets to compensate for the infinite acceleration provided by their rockets during these space dogfights, because the air resistance provided by the vacuum of space naturally slows them down.

In the vacuum of space, these small combat spaceships turn and manoeuvre exactly like aircraft in the Earth's atmosphere, even though they have no proper wings, ailerons, tail rudders, or indeed any wind or air resistance that would enable them to behave like aircraft.

In the very far future, political science has developed exponentially to the extent that the most common forms of government are autocracies, empires and despotisms, along with the occasional very primitive democracy modelled on the ancient United States of America.

And the further into the future you go, the more the inhabitants of the future dress like ancient Romans and Greeks.





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Toto, j'ai l'impression que nous ne sommes plus au Kansas !


[ This Message was edited by: Club Nouméa 2012-03-15 19:06 ]


 
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VampiressRN
Grand Member (8 years)  

Joined: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 6153
From: Sun City Lincoln Hills (NorCal)
Posted: 2012-03-17 1:43 pm   Permalink

Laws of physics do not apply to blood as it can run up walls, fill a space faster than possible, and spew from sources unimaginable.
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Sophista-tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 13, 2005
Posts: 1893
From: Seattle WA
Posted: 2012-03-17 4:30 pm   Permalink

dogs can talk

 
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Veronica!
Tiki Centralite

Joined: May 18, 2014
Posts: 69
From: Third Coast
Posted: 2016-03-20 12:39 am   Permalink

Pull cartoon pitchfork out of someone's ass.

American: Bedoink!


Japanese: Ouch!


 
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komohana
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Nov 08, 2010
Posts: 502
From: Western Australia
Posted: 2016-03-23 12:56 am   Permalink



Most people will give you reason enough to dislike them - sooner or later...


except maybe Larry Emdur...
















 
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Tiki Roa
Tiki Centralite

Joined: Mar 12, 2016
Posts: 45
From: Hawaiki
Posted: 2016-04-04 8:14 pm   Permalink

If you find a tiki idol buried at a construction site in honolulu and wear it around your neck then some bad taboo shit is gonna happen to you-so then you gotta re-bury it in a cave to get rid of the taboo

[ This Message was edited by: Tiki Roa 2016-04-04 20:15 ]


 
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