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Smart Ass hall of fame
Kenike
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 24, 2003
Posts: 1205
From: McKinney, TX
Posted: 2004-09-21 07:53 am   Permalink

A friend of mine used to work at an ice cream stand. One day a lady orders a medium sized ice cream cone. He makes it and gives it to her and she complains that there's not enough ice cream on the cone. He told her that a medium cone should have 3.5 ounces of ice cream. So he gets out a scale and weighs it...but it comes to 4.5 ounces and not 3.5. So he knocks off some ice cream and gives it back to her.

[ This Message was edited by: Juno on 2004-09-21 07:59 ]


 
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Kenike
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 24, 2003
Posts: 1205
From: McKinney, TX
Posted: 2004-09-21 08:04 am   Permalink

Another one from the king of all comebacks… Winston Churchill.

One day he gets an invitation from an acquaintance who is producing a play. The invitation says something like, "Please be my guest and come see my new production...and please bring a friend (if you have one)."

Churchill’s reply went something like "Unfortunately I'm unable to attend but would like to come to another showing (if there is one).


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[ This Message was edited by: Juno on 2004-09-21 08:05 ]


 
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Gigantalope
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 01, 2004
Posts: 913
From: Shinola, California
Posted: 2004-09-21 11:06 pm   Permalink

These are really funny...(Churchill's too..he was a great man...good painter too)

I know some of you are holding out because you fear you won't be amuzing...

One such "not funny to anyone but me episode" happened when I was about 9. It was at an Angels game just after the national anthem..."and the home...of the...brave....I yelled "a bob clampett cartoooOOOOOnnnn!" like at the end of been and Cecil...which I assumed everybody in the stadium must watch.

Time stopped...except that I was doubled over with laughter at my clever /banal remark.

My Dad swatted me.



 
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5820
From: CaliTikifornia
Posted: 2004-09-22 01:34 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2004-09-20 17:40, ikitnrev wrote:
Churchill looked back at her, and replied "Madam, you are ugly. Tomorrow I shall be sober."



Love it!
_________________
Oh It Looks Good On You Though!


 
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freddiefreelance
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 15, 2003
Posts: 2994
From: San Diego, Ca.
Posted: 2004-09-22 07:43 am   Permalink

We had some good ones back when I used to cater movies & videos.

On one shoot we were being ridden hard by the 2nd 2nd (that's the Second Second Assistant Director), he was ordering us around, having us tear down, move & reset-up and being a general pain. I asked who he thought he was to be ordering us around, he replied "I'm the 2nd 2nd!" And I came back with "So you're the Assistant to the Assistant to the Assistant?" He left us alone the rest of the day.

On another shoot one of my partners spotted one of the actors in the line & said "Hey, aren't you one of the talent?" The actor replied "I'm not 'talent,' I'm an Actor!" and my partner came back with "So, you're saying you have no talent?" That actor didn't speak up the rest of the shoot.

On one shoot we were having trouble with a particular grip, every meal we'd bring a gallon of milk for the crew, every meal he'd be first in line & grab the whole gallon for himself. He'd complain that we didn't give him enough meat (even though we served him more than anyone else, and seconds, too) and that we had too many salads & vegetables. One day he came up, looked at the two large steel bowls of salad we'd set up, said "this's Crap!" and knocked over one of the bowls, spilling the salad on the ground. This was too much for my partner, Scotty, who said "This's Crap, too!" and spilled the other bowl onto the ground, "All this is Crap!" and we spilled all the food onto the ground, danced over it singing "It's Crap! It's all Crap!" We packed up, handed them a bill for the day, & went home. That night we had a call from the production company and we told them what had happened. The next day we were back at work, the grip wasn't.
_________________
Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., Th.D., D.F.S


 
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