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Would you prefer Lamprey as 'mainstream' or 'underground'? |
Sabu The Coconut Boy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 20, 2002
Posts: 2804
From: Carson, California
|  Posted: 2010-04-01 12:16 pm Permalink
 Oh don't take me down to St. Louis
Where the lampreys are scrawny and chewy!
Take me up to Milwaukee
Where the lampreys are stocky
and they simmer them slow in Drambuie!
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lucas vigor
Tiki Socialite
Joined: May 12, 2004
Posts: 4090
From: SOCAL
| Posted: 2010-04-01 1:13 pm Permalink
Publius Vedius Pollio was born in the 1st century BC. His father was a freedman, also named Publius, but he himself attained membership of the equestrian order.[1][2]
Ronald Syme suggests he may be identical with a "Publius Vedius" who appears in Cicero's letters as a friend of Pompey.[3] In 50 BC, while Cicero was travelling near Laodicea as governor of Cilicia, this Vedius came out to meet him with a large retinue that included several wild asses and a baboon in a chariot. Cicero was not impressed. "I never saw a more worthless man," he wrote to his friend Atticus, adding a salacious anecdote: before meeting Cicero, Vedius had left some items with one Vindulus, who had meanwhile died. When Vindulus's heir examined the contents of the house, he discovered among Vedius's possessions five portrait-busts of married ladies.[4] One Vidius or Vedius, possibly the same person, is mentioned in a letter of 46 BC as involved in a dispute with the scholar-politician Curtius Nicias.[5]
Vedius Pollio's first certain appearance in history comes after Octavian (later Augustus) became sole ruler of the Roman world in 31 BC; at some point Vedius held authority in the province of Asia on behalf of the emperor.[6] For a mere equestrian to govern this province was anomalous, and there were presumably special circumstances; Vedius' term of office could have been in 31–30 BC before the appointment of a regular proconsular governor, or after a major earthquake in 27 BC.[7] He later returned to Rome, and when Alexander and Aristobulus, the sons of Herod the Great, came to the city in about 22 BC, they may have stayed with him.[8]
Despite these services to the state, it was for his reputed luxury and cruelty that Vedius would become best known.[1] He owned a massive villa on the Gulf of Naples, later described by the poet Ovid as "like a city".[9] Most notoriously, he kept a pool of lampreys into which slaves who incurred his displeasure would be thrown as food[10] – a particularly unpleasant means of death, since the lamprey "clamps its mouth on the victim and bores a dentated tongue into the flesh to ingest blood".[11]
Nevertheless he retained, at least for a while, the friendship of Augustus, in whose honour he built a shrine or monument at Beneventum.[2] On one occasion, Augustus was dining at Vedius' home when a cup-bearer broke a crystal glass. Vedius ordered him thrown to the lampreys, but the slave fell to his knees before Augustus and pleaded to be saved. Horrified, the emperor had all of Vedius's expensive glasses smashed and the pool filled in. According to Seneca, Augustus also had the slave freed; Dio merely remarks that Vedius "could not punish his servant for what Augustus also had done".[12]
Vedius died in 15 BC. Among his many heirs, Augustus received a large part of Vedius's estate, including his villa on the Gulf of Naples, along with instructions to erect a suitable monument on the site. The emperor demolished the house and constructed in its place a colonnade in honour of his wife Livia, which he dedicated in 7 BC.[13]
[edit] Legacy
Vedius's treatment of his slaves and Augustus's conduct towards him became popular subjects for anecdotes in antiquity. During or shortly after Augustus's reign, Ovid praised his demolition of Vedius's house as a grand statement against immoral luxury made even at the emperor's own cost.[14] Scott notes that in replacing the house with a public monument Augustus merely "carried out the terms of the will", and argues that any suggestion he wished to censure Vedius's memory may have been mere "gossip".[15]
Also in the 1st century AD, Vedius's story was used by the philosopher Seneca the Younger and the encyclopedist Pliny the Elder. In two ethical treatises, Seneca used Vedius's treatment of the cup-bearer and Augustus's response to illustrate the extremes to which anger could lead and the need for clemency.[16] Pliny the Elder mentioned Vedius's lampreys in his Natural History while treating varieties of fish, noting the man's friendship with Augustus while ignoring the story of the latter's clemency.[17] Pliny was no admirer of Augustus and his handling of the story has been seen as "a gratuitous jibe" at the emperor.[18] In a highly rhetorical passage, the Christian writer Tertullian stated that after executing slaves, Vedius had his moray eels "cooked straight away, so that in their entrails he himself might have a taste of his slaves' bodies too".[19]
In several works, Adam Smith cited Augustus's intervention to save the cup-bearer in support of an argument that the condition of slaves was better under a monarchy than a democracy. He embellished the story by claiming that Augustus manumitted all of Vedius's slaves, a statement not based on any ancient source, in one 1763 lecture even estimating the value of the property their master thus lost.[20]
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MachTiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
Posts: 1368
From: San Diego, CA
| Posted: 2010-04-01 1:42 pm Permalink
Ah yes... jackassery DOES still exist!! Happy fool's day!
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Feelin' Zombified
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 15, 2003
Posts: 1338
From: The Exotic Shores of Lake St. Clair
| Posted: 2010-04-01 1:51 pm Permalink
Laamm preeeyy...
...in the corner of my fish tank
mucky, water covered lamm preeyyy...
Da da da da daaaaaah ...
ahhh the good ol days. *sniff*
-Z
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OnaTiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Nov 24, 2003
Posts: 409
From: San Diego, CA
| Posted: 2010-04-01 4:20 pm Permalink
Well shit, If Mach can post so will I. Clown jackassery lives! and it's coming for you my friend...
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MadDogMike
Grand Member (8 years) 
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 9205
From: The Anvil of the Sun
| Posted: 2010-04-01 6:10 pm Permalink
There once was a lamprey from Nantucket...
Nevermind
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Sabu The Coconut Boy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 20, 2002
Posts: 2804
From: Carson, California
| Posted: 2010-04-01 6:38 pm Permalink
Asked a waitress in South Carolina,
about the seafood I ate at her diner.
"These lampreys are choice,
How do you keep them so moist?"
She said, "They just came out of my kitchen!"
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pablus
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 23, 2003
Posts: 2158
From: www.crazedmugs.com
| Posted: 2010-04-01 8:21 pm Permalink
The Lamprey's a foul, horrid beast
On its flesh, lousy fishermen feast
The slippery skin
Is a purse for those in
Those bellicose climes of the east
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5860
From: CaliTikifornia
| Posted: 2010-04-02 2:35 pm Permalink
Jesus!
A post from OnaTiki?
I should have bought a lottery ticket.
Good to see ya!
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MachTiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
Posts: 1368
From: San Diego, CA
| Posted: 2010-04-03 05:57 am Permalink
Geezus, an associated picture from Unga! I should... um... well... buy... nevermind.
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Johnny Dollar
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Oct 01, 2003
Posts: 3072
From: Columbus, Ohiya
| Posted: 2010-04-03 06:58 am Permalink
this thread is sure bringing out the koolkids™® 
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virani
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Sep 17, 2003
Posts: 1438
From: Volcanic area of France
| Posted: 2010-04-03 10:26 am Permalink
This thread should move to tiki drink & food.
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Rob Roy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Dec 03, 2004
Posts: 368
From: Ventura, CA
| Posted: 2014-07-18 12:01 pm Permalink
Bump
http://www.wired.com/2014/07/absurd-creature-of-the-week-lamprey/
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Rob Roy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Dec 03, 2004
Posts: 368
From: Ventura, CA
| Posted: 2015-11-03 2:22 pm Permalink
http://gizmodo.com/lampreys-could-hold-the-key-to-better-underwater-robots-1740293121?utm_campaign=socialflow_io9_facebook&utm_source=io9_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
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