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Tiki Central Forums Bilge "Phonetic" poems....
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"Phonetic" poems....
Tangaroa
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 25, 2002
Posts: 1558
Posted: 2005-08-11 08:14 am   Permalink

So... I freelance whenever I can, and am signed up with a few websites that supposedly put clients & artists together, when someone has a project. Usually, the job is undoable, the pay they offer is low (not to mention that the website takes a cut), or it's just porn cartoons they want!

Anyhow, this morning I received this doozy:

Dear Christopher:

Within the last 24 hours, employers posted one or more projects that match your
profile(s).

How to find the below project(s):
---Sign in to your professional account: XXXXXXXXXXXX
---On the My Admin page, click the "View Project Notifications" link.
---------------------------------------------------
Profile ID: 555382 matches...
Project ID: 157570
Title: FOUR LINERS
Category: Illustration / Cartooning / Painting / Sculpting
Description:
I create four line "phonetic" poems that have a word used twice which
rhymes perfectly yet is spelled differently. This is better understood by reading
a few examples as follows:

IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY..........
SO I SENT HER.........
TICKETS TO THE CONCERT.........
AT THE CIVIC CENTER.

I WENT TO VISIT HIS GRAVE.........
THE FATHER OF LISA MINNELLI..........
HE HAD ENGRAVED ON HIS STONE.......
IN THIS GRAVE THERE LIES A MINNELLI

OFF THE EDGE OF A CLIFF........
HE PUSHED A BOULDER OVER.........
SHE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING..........
IT ALMOST BOWLED HER OVER.

I GOT A COLD DRINK...........
AND SAT DOWN BESIDE HER..........
IT TASTED SO GOOD............
HOW COULD THIS BE CIDER.

Anyway, you get the idea. I compose several of these every day in my spare time,
and creativity is no proble. In less than a year I have composed over 650 of these
little gems.

My idea is to have the "FOUR LINER" accompanied by a cartoon drawing depicting
the theme to help the reader see the action and make the connection even more obvious
and interesting and humorous.

I am a freelance writer just trying to get this project off the ground, so my budget
at this point is relatively small. I have $250.00 budgeted for and initial supply
of 8 to 10 cartoons. Just one panel depicting (in a humerous way) the basic theme
of that particular four liner.

All of my friends and work associates tell me that they believe these Four Liners
have great potential and usually approach me eagerly to hear the newest one.
---------------------------------------------------


Aside from the shockingly low pay offered, I am amazed at the poetic prowess of this author. Anyone else out there want to take a stab at some "Phonetic" poems...?

PJ, Tikifish & Sabu - I'm talking to you!

_________________


[ This Message was edited by: Tangaroa 2005-08-11 08:16 ]


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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2005-08-11 08:21 am   Permalink

8FT TIKI BOUGHT A NEW TOOL
BUT IT NEARLY WRECKED HIM..........
HE THOUGHT THE OILSTONE............
WAS MEANT FOR THE RECTUM.


 
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Tangaroa
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 25, 2002
Posts: 1558
Posted: 2005-08-11 08:41 am   Permalink

I WENT TO DISNEYLAND....
TO VISIT THE TIKI ROOM....
THEN I FOUND SOME EARL GREY AND OLD KEYS...
I PUT THESE IN MY TEA KEY ROOM.
_________________


 
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Kon-Hemsby
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 17, 2003
Posts: 1279
From: Andover, England
Posted: 2005-08-11 08:46 am   Permalink

I went to Trader Vic's
and ordered a Mai tai
But at the end it tasted bland
cos I'd been sucking on my tie

.
_________________


 
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Urban Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 527
From: The Tropical Isle of Manhattan
Posted: 2005-08-11 09:56 am   Permalink

I once took a rather pleasent trip
to the isle of Easter
I tried to climb a Maoi
but ended up on my keaster

[ This Message was edited by: Urban Tiki 2005-08-11 09:56 ]


 
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Tangaroa
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 25, 2002
Posts: 1558
Posted: 2005-08-11 10:45 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2005-08-11 09:56, Urban Tiki wrote:
I once took a rather pleasent trip
to the isle of Easter
I tried to climb a Maoi
but ended up on my keaster

[ This Message was edited by: Urban Tiki 2005-08-11 09:56 ]



Not exactly UT! See - it can't just rhyme.... It needs to be phonetic!

Come on folks - embrace the genious of this tortured soul... He/she has created over 650 of these "little gems" - surely we can beat that number.
_________________


 
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Tangaroa
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 25, 2002
Posts: 1558
Posted: 2005-08-11 11:10 am   Permalink

My friend Jackie just sent me this:

Do all of this guy's poems have derivatives of "something-her"?

SITTING ON A CURB
BY THE SEWER SIDE
I BROODED ON MY MISERY
BEFORE COMMITTING SUICIDE

BOGGED WITH MISCELLANEOUS DUTIES
THOUGH I'M CONTRACTED AS GRANT WRITER
YOU MUST DO THEM SAYS MANAGEMENT
IT SAYS SO HERE IN THE RIDER
(okay, that one was a stretch...)

IT WAS SUGGESTED
BECAUSE OF THE RAPIST
THAT I GO AND SEE
A COMPETENT THERAPIST

Scary how quickly she picked it up! Of course - she is a real poet, folks...
_________________


 
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Tikibelle
Tiki Centralite

Joined: Sep 28, 2002
Posts: 58
From: Carson, CA
Posted: 2005-08-11 12:44 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2005-08-11 09:56, Urban Tiki wrote:
I once took a rather pleasent trip
to the isle of Easter
I tried to climb a Maoi
but ended up on my keaster

[ This Message was edited by: Urban Tiki 2005-08-11 09:56 ]



I may be able to "fix" this (even if it is a streach)

...but landed on my ear sir.


 
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Urban Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 527
From: The Tropical Isle of Manhattan
Posted: 2005-08-11 1:36 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2005-08-11 10:45, Tangaroa wrote:
Quote:

On 2005-08-11 09:56, Urban Tiki wrote:
I once took a rather pleasent trip
to the isle of Easter
I tried to climb a Maoi
but ended up on my keaster

[ This Message was edited by: Urban Tiki 2005-08-11 09:56 ]



Not exactly UT! See - it can't just rhyme.... It needs to be phonetic!

Come on folks - embrace the genious of this tortured soul... He/she has created over 650 of these "little gems" - surely we can beat that number.




DOH!!! Okay, let me try again

I once took a pleasent trip
out to Easter Island
I tried to climb a Maoi
but on my keaster I land
_________________
Cheers,
Ray


 
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Sabu The Coconut Boy
Tiki Central Poet Laureate

Joined: Aug 20, 2002
Posts: 2792
From: Carson, California
Posted: 2005-08-11 2:11 pm   Permalink

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING THROUGH THE TREES?
DON'T BE SO YELLOW, JACK. IT'S
JUST SOME FRIENDLY HONEY BEES,
NOT REAL YELLOWJACKETS.

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME NEAR ENOUGH,
TO MAKE ME SET YOU FREE. CONFESS,
AND TELL ME TRULY MR. BUFFET
WHERE YOU PUT MY FREAKIN' FEZ!

IN 1770, CAPTAIN COOK
DISCOVERED BOTANY BAY
I READ ABOUT IT IN THIS BOOK
THAT I BOUGHT ON EBAY

Sabu



_________________


[ This Message was edited by: Sabu The Coconut Boy 2005-08-11 20:12 ]


 
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2005-08-11 2:28 pm   Permalink

sheer brilliance. I stand humbled.

 
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2005-08-11 2:30 pm   Permalink

I STUMBLED UPON AN ANCIENT SEA
LIKE PROFESSER LOUIS LEAKEY
BUT WHEN I CALLED THE PLUMBER IN, HE SAID
'YOUR LOO IS LEAKY'


 
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2005-08-11 2:38 pm   Permalink

I MET AN 80's RAPPER
HE WAS LIVING IN BOMBAY
BUT STILL HE KNEW WHERE TO BUY FINE THREADS -
'EEL'S PANTS ARE THE BOMB, EH?'


 
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2005-08-11 3:25 pm   Permalink

'TWAS DOWN IN CALIFORNIA
THAT VIRANI MET SABU
THE FIRST THING HE DID ASK, WAS
QU'EST-CE QUE LE BOISSON QUE CA BU?


 
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purple jade
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 19, 2003
Posts: 1450
From: New Orleans
Posted: 2005-08-11 3:31 pm   Permalink

Remember, Tangaroa specifically called me out on this.

WHEN I WAS VISITING LANEY'S
I SAID "HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT LAMP, PRAY?"
SHE TOLD ME SHE WENT TO TORONTO
AND TIKIFISH CAUGHT HER A LAMPREY

FZ MAINTAINS THERE'S MUSIC
THAT TO HEAR HE WOULD NOT DEIGN
BUT IF YOU LOOK IN HIS GLOVEBOX
THERE'S A CD BY TAYLOR DAYNE

I NEEDED A RIDE TO SOMEWHERE
AND SO I CALLED SABU
BUT HE PULLED UP IN MY DRIVEWAY
IN A RUSTY OLD SAAB, EEEWW!

I KNOW OF A LITTLE MAN
WHO SAYS THAT HE IS 5'9"
BUT IF YOU WET DOWN HIS HAIR
WOULD THAT HEIGHT SURVIVE? NEIN!

HUEY McCHESAPEAKE
CLAIMS THAT A BOOK HE DID WRITE
BUT JUST PUBLISHING OTHER FOLKS' WORK
COULDN'T REALLY BE CALLED "WRITING", RIGHT?

THERE ONCE WAS AN INTERNET FORUM
TO WHICH BELONGED MANY A MORON
YOU'D THINK THAT THERE WOULD BE A CUT-OFF
BUT THEY JUST SEEM TO KEEP GETTING MORE ON






 
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