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Tiki Central Forums Bilge Oh, How I Hate Them Untiki Neighbors...
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Oh, How I Hate Them Untiki Neighbors...
Hau 'oli Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 408
From: Lamegoona Hills, CA
Posted: 2006-02-24 4:47 pm   Permalink

How about you? Have you been blessed with neighbors who seem to 'get' the whole tiki thing? Or are your's like mine? Do they peek at you through the fence when you're gardening in a swim suit? Do they sneak in and swim in your pool when your on vacation? Do they use your garbage/recycle/garden waste cans w/o asking? Do they call the police when you park your RV and trailer full of watercraft in front of your own home over 1 hour longer than allowed? Do they aid and abet with the old fart across the street and call the city to complain about your weeds (all 2 of them!) Do they talk so much about you in front of their moron kids, that the little village idiots say things like, "You must not understand about property values"?
You would think we lived in Beverly Freakin Hills and our house looked like the Delta House on Animal House! It actually looks WAY better than the neighbors!
They actually think we worship (like seriously scary chit!) our tikis!! They said they heard weird sounds from our back yard one full moon night, but we were away at the time. So now we're like some Wicca Tiki Wackies?
I was telling the neighbor he looked like Fred Astaire. I was trying to remember the name and he interrupts and says, "I look like Ray Romano?" (Cuz he's like 8th gen Italian) and I said, Dude, you look about as much like Ray as I look like Milo Otis!!
Dork. Really, a human walking, talking dork.
So are you blessed or cursed on the home front?
_________________
"Always take hold of things by the smooth handle."
Thomas Jefferson


 
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kingtiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Oct 17, 2005
Posts: 113
From: Sandy Eggo, CA
Posted: 2006-02-24 5:00 pm   Permalink

Man Hau 'oli Tiki - it sounds like your neighbors suck!

We are very lucky to have a beatnik college prof on one side who digs our tiki exploration and a very understanding young woman on the other who may not support but tolerates my ways.

We have one ole bitty across the street that used to be a pain in the rump but it seems the more tiki totems and artifacts I load up in the yard and bar, the more scared she gets. Maybe she too believes we worship. Just so long as she leaves us alone.

Hopefully your situation will improve - if not just have a few more drinks!
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Cool Manchu
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 03, 2003
Posts: 561
From: San Jose, CA
Posted: 2006-02-24 7:41 pm   Permalink

You don't worship Tiki?

What mean's this?


 
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Jungle Trader
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jan 04, 2003
Posts: 3729
From: Trader's Jungle Outpost, Turlock, Ca.
Posted: 2006-02-24 8:21 pm   Permalink

Quote:

Do they peek at you through the fence when you're gardening in a swim suit?


No, but they can look straight into our master bedroom from their upstairs bedroom window and see us walking around. They stopped looking after they found out our lives are very boring. walk around, sit down, walk around, sit down.
Are they seeing a man or a woman when they're peeking? Squirt some mayo or ketchup in their eye as they look thru the knot hole.

Quote:
Do they sneak in and swim in your pool when your on vacation?


That's really bad.

Man, sorry you're neighbors are so weird. Should I carve another giant penis to keep watch for you while you're gone? I'll put an eye on him. Then, when you leave for vacation tell all your neighbors that Ol' One Eye is watching the place.

[ This Message was edited by: Jungle Trader 2006-02-24 20:34 ]


 
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Hau 'oli Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 408
From: Lamegoona Hills, CA
Posted: 2006-02-25 09:44 am   Permalink

I LOVE it!! That'd shut them up! Although, we DO attend the neighborhood church once in a while, so that could make for some awkward moments. They kinda freak just at the sight of a blender at an OUTDOOR bar w/ all those pagan images staring at them!
As far as worshiping the guys, well, I reserve true worship for the big JC. But I adore my tiki friends and they all have their own personalities. (Is that odd?) I tell them about big events. Kinda like the turning of the bee hives in England. (The family would go out and tell the bees about births, deaths, marriages, etc... and then turn the hives 3 times for good luck...?)talk about off topic.
Anyhoo, It's so hard to not fall into being a hypocrite with these people. I would love to flip 'em off and flash 'em! But of course, that would just make things worse for us around here. It's like if I say anything even remotely pissy, they cause heartbreak for my 2 girls (they have 2 boys the same ages) or they call some authority to get even!! ARGH!! Frustrating!!
We DID put locks on the gates-liability, you know.

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[ This Message was edited by: Hau 'oli Tiki 2006-02-25 09:45 ]


 
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tikigap
Grand Member (8 years)  

Joined: Jan 19, 2006
Posts: 836
From: Arlingtron Virginia
Posted: 2006-02-25 2:27 pm   Permalink

To me, it would be worth the $150 to catch 'em red handed in your pool.

http://www.123cctv.com/cctv/exterior-wireless-cctv-cameras.html

Take the video to your church and show it to everyone, when you catch 'em!

Or you can do what we did at work, and make a thingy that "looks" like a camera, and put it up, pointing at their vantage point! That stopped the bung holes around our office from using our dumpster illegally.

Those guys suck, and extreme "active" measures are warranted.
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Gigantalope
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 01, 2004
Posts: 913
From: Shinola, California
Posted: 2006-02-25 5:17 pm   Permalink

I've had lots of neighbors that were vermin...you need to find thier fears, and exploit it. (The Greeks knew it, the Romans knew it, now, you know it)

I got several neighbors to avoid me at all costs by convincing them I worshiped Satin, and always leaving ammo shells around thier yard.

Some others were much harder nuts to crack...but eventually I made friends with some Sherrifs in my neighborhood and would just have them come by for coffee while they were sposta be working.

Maybe start by having chat with them about the weather some sunday morning, and while you are talking, pour some blue food coloring in your coffee.

You can't taste it but it makes a good impression.


 
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Hau 'oli Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 408
From: Lamegoona Hills, CA
Posted: 2006-02-26 4:07 pm   Permalink

Tried that. The blue coffee. No, just kiddin! That's Hi Larry us!!!
I did confront them today. It was the bloody mary in me. Get this, they asked us if we would pay 1/2 for a retaining wall about 3 feet onto their own prop line!! I told them my yard didn't need retaing. Do it yer own damn self. And by the way, you kinda suck. I let them know in some pretty harsh language exactly what I thought of them. This should be interesting...
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Gigantalope
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 01, 2004
Posts: 913
From: Shinola, California
Posted: 2006-02-26 6:43 pm   Permalink

Attaboy, fired across the bow, as it should be!

didja ask if they would go in half for the lye pit you will need?


 
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tikigap
Grand Member (8 years)  

Joined: Jan 19, 2006
Posts: 836
From: Arlingtron Virginia
Posted: 2006-02-26 6:53 pm   Permalink

Quote:

And by the way, you kinda suck.



Fired across the bow? Holy shit! That was a shot right into the face! Way to go!

It sure sounds to me that they suck! And blow too! Wait! that defies the laws of Physics! How can something suck and blow at the same time? Wait! That defies Hoover's laws of physics!

Shit! Fudd's second law of opposition: You push something hard enough, it falls over.

gap

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mbonga
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Dec 04, 2005
Posts: 556
From: La Mesa, California
Posted: 2006-02-26 6:53 pm   Permalink

I think the proper thing to do is to build some giant moai to sit there and *stare* at them, day and night. With proximity detectors that light up the eyes an angry red whenever anyone moves around their back yard.


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[ This Message was edited by: mbonga 2006-02-26 18:53 ]


 
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Hau 'oli Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 408
From: Lamegoona Hills, CA
Posted: 2006-02-27 5:17 pm   Permalink

YES! I've been working on a tiki water fall ala Skull Mountain, but perhaps I will switch to the Moai guardians now!
Actually, after he asked me to go in half on the ret wall, I told him only if he'd kick in half for my boob job, considering he'd see 'em more than anyone else when he's a peepin! He just turned as red as my Bloody Mary and ran into the house-too funny!
I want to get my back yard done and have a rip roarin party! We went out yesterday and got a 500 watt stereo for the back yard. Some really rowdy folks, liqueur and blaring tunes oughta peel their paint!
Also, I set up the shower right next to their bedroom window. He retaliated by building a...well, not sure. It's a framed little building wrapped in plastic. My daughter says it's a greenhouse for their son, the orchid grower. All I know is it blocks my view of the Saddleback Mountains where I was born and reared! So now we're building a beach wrecked pirate ship over the pool equipment to block the...plastic and 2x4s peekin over the fence! He asked us why, because our kids are 11 and 15. (?!) His reasoning is that they'll be out of school soon and moving away, so why bother!! This explains why he won't put up Christmas lights; ya just gotta take em right back down! Or why he won't get dirt bikes for his sons, same ages as our girls. Poor lil crackers! Kicked out the minute they receive their diplomas in horticulture!

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Thomas Jefferson


 
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hewey
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 14, 2004
Posts: 4278
From: Sydney, Australia
Posted: 2006-02-27 6:26 pm   Permalink

Haha - great boob job line

Maybe tell them your sorry for being snappy. Invite them over for a ritual sacrifice to the heathen gods. Hell, even let em pick which daughter they like less and should be sacrificed. Then have a raging party that night (full moon of course), interspersed with lots of screaming at midnight. Then just hide one of your daughters for a few weeks. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of your toiling
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Hau 'oli Tiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 408
From: Lamegoona Hills, CA
Posted: 2006-03-01 2:06 pm   Permalink

That's a good one!! The Mr and I laughed good and hard! The kids are totaly into it now, too!
_________________
"Always take hold of things by the smooth handle."
Thomas Jefferson


 
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Kailuageoff
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 1497
From: Honolulu Lounge,Lewes, DE
Posted: 2006-03-01 7:38 pm   Permalink

The cranky old neighbor lady next door bitched about the cement truck that came to our house to pour the slab for our tiki addition, but later that same afternoon the old bat ran into the back of my car and then drove off.
She probably would have made a clean getaway, but wouldn't you know it, those darn concrete guys saw the whole thing and told me what happened.
I thought about calling the cops and demanding her license, but had an ounce of pity for the whole ridiculous situation and left it alone for a few hours.
She finally confessed by leaving a note on my door. I told her not to worry, and that I would get a friend to fix the major dent. Of course, I sent her a bill more than a year ago and I only have half of the money she owes me.
I figure that since she owes me, I can let my parrot scream as loud as he wants and she is powerless to do a thing about it. Scream on bird, scream on.
KG




[ This Message was edited by: Kailuageoff 2006-03-01 19:40 ]


 
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