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The case for Cocktail Umbrellas |
Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2110
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
|  Posted: 2006-04-03 10:25 pm Permalink
I know that many consider the cocktail umbrella as the Kiss-of-Death to most cocktails. I do too, at least when I am out at a bar.....
But, after much testing and thinking (and drinking!), I want to stand up for the lowly little bits of paper on a stick!
Dismiss the Cocktail Umbrella No More! (insert evil laughter and menacing sound effects here!)
Why, you ask? Simple! Most Tiki drinks are rum based. Rum is an aromatic liquor, and usually come in a reasonably high proof. As a reasonably high proof liquor, it has a tendency to evaporate. That process is what makes 151 flammable.
So what, you are saying as you contemplate the flammability of the average cocktail umbrella......
Let us examine the lowly cocktail umbrella from a different perspective.... Join me in my lab......
(thank you www.wellfed.net for the picture)
First, from the perspective of a drink. An 'internal' perspective..... We have established that Rum, and most high proof liquor, is basically a volatile substance. Since that volatility is usually why we are imbibing the stuff anyway, why would you want to let any of it escape? The lowly little cocktail umbrella works as a shield, or cap if you will, to keep the interesting bits in the cocktail. And, what happens when you drink from the cocktail protected by our cocktail umbrella? You tilt it to the side allowing all of the goodness trapped underneath to rise up into your waiting nostrils. Nothing wasted!
From an external perspective (the weaker case for the umbrella).... Spring has sprung and many of you are moving your cocktails to the outside of your homes to enjoy the increasingly fine weather. I myself have already had a couple of weeks of sitting by the pool enjoying a cocktail or three. And, here in south Florida our sun is pretty intense even in the spring. All of the solar energy is wonderful for the pool, but hard on the ice in my cocktail. Just as I sit under my umbrella, my cocktail is sitting under its umbrella. OK, this is a pretty lame excuse for the cocktail umbrella........
Tease the Cocktail Umbrella No More! Dress your cocktails without fear or shame! Never snicker or make snide comments again about the little blue umbrella in your drink. It is there to help! To help you have the best damn cocktail alcohol can provide!
And, before you U-Mod this to oblivion.... Yes, this is a drunken post. And, as soon as I send this I am going back to the bar, I mean Lab! Lab! Thats it, my LAB.... to finish my research!
And, for those of you wishing more conversation on this subject, my limited research found this.... this...... and this.....
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5786
From: CaliTikifornia
| Posted: 2006-04-04 12:50 pm Permalink
Audio scene from "The Jerk"
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GatorRob
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 20, 2004
Posts: 1770
From: 3 hrs 33 mins to paradise
| Posted: 2006-04-04 4:22 pm Permalink
Quote:
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On 2006-04-03 22:25, Chip and Andy wrote:
And, before you U-Mod this to oblivion.... Yes, this is a drunken post.
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Well, there goes my only question.
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Tiki Rider
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Oct 05, 2002
Posts: 497
From: South Orange County, CA
| Posted: 2006-04-04 4:54 pm Permalink
...and it may act as a shield against flying insects attracted to your drink's fruity garnish, or shield your drink from seagulls flying overhead... or falling coconuts too.
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ikitnrev
Grand Member (first year) 
Joined: Jul 27, 2002
Posts: 1304
From: D.C. / Virginia
| Posted: 2006-04-04 5:01 pm Permalink
For maximum intake of a mai-tai with and without umbrella, one must balance between two forces.
a) The rate of evaporation being slowed by the presence of the umbrella
and
b) the rate of liquid mai-tai absorption by the wooden stem of the umbrella.
There are other variables to consider.
c) There will likely be a higher evaporation rate when drinking outside in the hot sun of Florida, versus drinking it while indoors, in a darkened tiki room. Evaporation rate is probably slowest in some Eskimo igloo tiki room (there's got to be one somewhere) in the winter months when the sun does not appear above the horizon.
d) although some are saddened by the absorption of the mai-tai by the wooden umbrella, others treasure this effect, as it results in a mai-tai flavored toothpick that can be used long after the drink is consumed. This can cause unintended repurcussions though, when one intends to pick one's tooth with the pointy end and mistakenly inserts it backgrounds (more likely after the consumption of several mai-tais), resulting in more, not less, paper-like pulp material finding its way between the teeth. Also, one is more likely to be arrested for drunk driving if the police officer notices a brightly colored umbrella hanging from your mouth (again, mmore likely after the consumption of many mai-tais.)
Vern
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2110
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2006-04-04 7:37 pm Permalink
Quote:
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On 2006-04-04 17:01, ikitnrev wrote:
.... the rate of liquid mai-tai absorption by the wooden stem of the umbrella...
... as it results in a mai-tai flavored toothpick that can be used long after the drink is consumed. |
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Excellent considerations, Vern! Aspects of the Umbrella not considered while under thier influence......
It seems others have already considered the flavoring effect of Mai-Tai absorption on the average cocktail umbrella. I am told this photo is from an earlier marketing test........
Once agan.... to the Bar! I mean LAB! To the LAB! More research is required!
Igor! The Limes!
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Helz
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Oct 31, 2004
Posts: 415
From: Westminster, CO
| Posted: 2006-04-05 09:19 am Permalink
hey, I've always loved the little things. And as far as drink protection, they are WAY better than this thing....
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DJ HawaiianShirt
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Posts: 148
From: NoVA, DC
| Posted: 2006-04-05 5:25 pm Permalink
As a geography student who is quite well versed in the water cycles and the processes of evaporation, I can tell you that the argument that the umbrella SLOWS the alcohol's evaporation is probably the weakest.
Although, it's definitely possible for the umbrella's conical shape to trap alcohol vapor, and "wallop" you with the next tip of the glass.
I believe my favorite argument is that the umbrella can block solar rays, which is true. And if you're not outside in a low-latitude region? Be like me, and PRETEND you are. 
DJHS
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hodadhank
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Dec 28, 2005
Posts: 1686
From: Mission Beach, CA
| Posted: 2006-04-06 2:21 pm Permalink
Ha ha ha!! Great post!
If you're a member of this website and think little cocktail umbrellas are tacky, you should probably take a good look in the mirror! If you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt or vintage floral dress and the room behind you is filled with bamboo furniture, tikis, vintage bar ware, and framed exotica LPs, it's time to mix yourself a great big "Git Off Yer High Horse" cocktail on the rocks... Oh, and don't forget to drink it from that $40 e-bay score which 99% of your hometown wouldn't be caught dead holding.
Last night I was having dinner at the China Inn in PB, drinking a Mai Tai garnished with a little yellow parasol. At the adjoining table sat a tiny blond girl, no older than six who couldn't stop talking to her parents about my exotic drink. When they got up to leave, my GF offered the tyke my umbrella, who accepted it as if it were the most rare and precious gift... a future Tiki-0-Phile in the making!
(Besides, I love those little things and without them my monkey would fall off his unicycle and tightrope.)
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DJ HawaiianShirt
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Posts: 148
From: NoVA, DC
| Posted: 2006-04-06 8:40 pm Permalink
That's a great story, Hank! I would have done the same thing.
DJHS
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bananabobs
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 16, 2003
Posts: 824 | Posted: 2006-05-04 11:19 pm Permalink
I use them as markers, so I can keep track of how many I have had, when my shirt pocket is full, I know I need to find a designated driver before I have another one.
No, here is the truth, when you open one just so, you can see the secret of Tiki, I saw it when I was a little boy when my Mom brought one home for me, I swear I saw it, I just can't remember it any more, that's why I keep getting them. I know I will see it again someday.
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Traitor Vic
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 428
From: Greenville, SC
| Posted: 2006-05-05 6:12 pm Permalink
All reasons TO USE THEM given so far have been excellent. Amazingly, the only reasons I've ever heard AGAINST USING THEM are "They're Tacky" or "They're not REALLY Tiki." I have to wonder what Harry Yee would have told any of us who told him he was making a huge mistake as he dropped the first one, ever, into a drink at the Hawaiian Village Hotel in 1959...?
[ This Message was edited by: Traitor Vic 2006-05-05 18:16 ]
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captnkirk
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Nov 06, 2002
Posts: 322
From: Hockessin, Delaware
| Posted: 2006-05-05 7:06 pm Permalink
Does anyone remember Dr. Jacobi from Twin Peaks.
Whenever he visited a tiki bar he saved his umbrellas with little tags at the base that had the name of the bar and the date.
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cynfulcynner
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 24, 2002
Posts: 1800
From: Ocean Beach, San Francisco
| Posted: 2006-05-05 9:55 pm Permalink
We stick the umbrellas in the ceiling at Forbidden Island. 
Christo should have done this with giant cocktail umbrellas!
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2110
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2006-06-24 3:37 pm Permalink
The debate continues......
For those of you in South Florida, we now have a World Market! Big deal, you say.... Well, I just got some of these!
Well, not those exactly, but bendy-straws with cocktail umbrellas! Now I can serve cocktails with the two most over abused, under used and under rated and misunderstood pieces of bar ware there is..... Straws AND cocktail umbrellas!
Igor! More limes! And ice! LOTS of ice!
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