FEATURES | MUSIC | BOOKS | DRINKS | FORUMS | GAMES | LINKS | ABOUT


advertise on Tiki Central

Celebrating classic and modern Polynesian Pop
  [Edit Profile]  [Edit Preferences]  [Search] [Sign Up]
[Personal Messages]  [Member List]  [Help/FAQ]  [Rules]  [Login]
Tiki Central Forums Bilge Inappropriate? Critiques and Feedback requested
Inappropriate? Critiques and Feedback requested
khan_tiki_mon
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Posts: 279
From: Syracuse, NY
Posted: 2007-10-27 7:05 pm   Permalink

I have a little thing going where I write television reviews for my local newspaper. They go on the newspaper's blog and then on occasion one will end up in the Sunday paper. I usually let my wife read them before I submit them and she's a fair if sometimes harsh critic. My last review she absolutely hated, didn't get it, and told me to do a major re-write. I thought it was kind of humorous - she said inappropriate. What do you think? Here's what the review looks like:
"The Unit"
9 P.M. Tuesdays on CBS
By Scott Tennant, age 50, East Syracuse
Episode: Inside Out - Air Date 10/23/2007
In this weeks episode the team is tasked with recovering a computer chip that may have information on it that can prevent a terrorist attack. On the homefront at the Brown household Kim, who's pregnant again, needs some help with chidcare. Elsewhere on base the Gerhardt domicile is a mess. Mack is restricted to the NCO bachelor quarters and can't visit his kids without an escort. Mack's wife Tiffy has been fired from her teaching job. Faced with tough times Tiffy becomes an exotic dancer. I think maybe she should have tried to cut back a little first, maybe cancel the cable, before rushing into her new profession. In general I do approve of middle aged moms pole dancing. We need more mature strippers. At my age I've been to my fair share of bachelor parties but they haven't been as much fun since the dancers started being the same age as my daughter. Of course as soon as Tiffy was set to start dancing Mack showed up at the club. She wanted to know if that was why he couldn't help out more because he was spending all his money on strippers. Ouch! What a disfunctional family. In contrast, and I suppose that was the point, was the healthy and stable home life we witnessed with Bob and Kim Brown.


_________________


 View Profile of khan_tiki_mon Send a personal message to khan_tiki_mon  Email khan_tiki_mon Goto the website of khan_tiki_mon     Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
Heath
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Dec 31, 2005
Posts: 608
From: Suburban San Diego (The Drawer)
Posted: 2007-10-27 9:25 pm   Permalink

I must admit that I've not watched the show you're reviewing, but it almost sounds as though it could be a new reality show coming soon to a cable network near you!


But seriously, what part is she upset about?
The middle aged moms pole dancing?
The age of the dancers at bachelor parties?
Oh, I know, your public admission of having attended a bachelor party with live entertainment!

While I don't see a problem, she does, and sometimes it's just easier...

_________________


 
View Profile of Heath Send a personal message to Heath  Email Heath     Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
Mr. NoNaMe
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 10, 2006
Posts: 1919
Posted: 2007-10-29 11:35 am   Permalink

Yes, inappropriate.
Kinda weird, too. Weird in that you are describing to the readers that there is an association with stripping and your daughter and you watching strippers.
As a writer you should try to avoid having the reader make assumptions as to your personal activities. Especially if it could be misconstrued in a negative manner. Unless, of course, it is a fringe paper.

NUTS!!!! The show was Tivo'd and now I know it. But, I do enjoy the show.
_________________


 
View Profile of Mr. NoNaMe Send a personal message to Mr. NoNaMe      Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
GROG
Grand Member (first year)  

Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Posts: 6920
From: Tujunga
Posted: 2007-10-29 1:46 pm   Permalink

So what club does your daughter strip at?

 
View Profile of GROG Send a personal message to GROG      Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
Matt Reese
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 09, 2005
Posts: 1155
From: San Diego
Posted: 2007-10-29 3:42 pm   Permalink

Alot of steam over nothing.

 
View Profile of Matt Reese Send a personal message to Matt Reese  Email Matt Reese     Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
khan_tiki_mon
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Posts: 279
From: Syracuse, NY
Posted: 2007-10-29 4:59 pm   Permalink

Okay, I should have just trusted my wife. It didn't come off the way I wanted it to. Good thing I didn't publish it in the paper. Thanks all.
_________________


 View Profile of khan_tiki_mon Send a personal message to khan_tiki_mon  Email khan_tiki_mon Goto the website of khan_tiki_mon     Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
Mr. NoNaMe
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 10, 2006
Posts: 1919
Posted: 2007-10-29 7:35 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2007-10-29 15:42, Matt Reese wrote:
Alot of steam over nothing.


Agreed! But, alot of steam over nothing is worse than no steam over nothing. Kinda like Paris Hilton.
_________________


 
View Profile of Mr. NoNaMe Send a personal message to Mr. NoNaMe      Edit/Delete This Post Reply with quote
U-Moderate:
  
v1.5

[ About Tiki Central | Contact Tiki Central | Advertise on Tiki Central ]
(c) 2000-2014 Tikiroom.com (tm), Tiki Central (tm)

Credits & copyright infomation