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Tiki Central Forums Bilge Your Christmas Hates, Rants, & Weirdness
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Your Christmas Hates, Rants, & Weirdness
naugatiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jan 02, 2004
Posts: 837
From: Port Angeles, Wa
Posted: 2009-12-18 06:13 am   Permalink






Christmas porn, who is this suppose to appeal to? I don't want to be around the person who it does on Christmas day when we unwrap the presents under the tree, one yule log is plenty.


 
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2217
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
Posted: 2009-12-18 06:31 am   Permalink

There is NO "War on Christmas" going on.

Anywhere.

Period.

I say Happy Holidays because there are at least 12 different celebration possibilities** this time of year and I want to cast as wide a net as I can to be inclusive and hopefully get invited to the better parties.




** Hanukah
Christmas
Festivus
Winter Solstice
Boxing Day
New Years
12th Night
St Nicolas Day
National Brownie Day (past already, it was Dec 8th)
Wear a Plunger On Your Head Day (also past, it was Dec 18th)
Kwanza
The Bowling Ball's Birthday (this one should be much higher up the list of reasons to party this time of year!)

And those are just the 'usual' days to celebrate. There are many more alternative events this time of year so if I didn't mention your specific day let me know when the party is and I'll bring rum and limes.


 
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beadtiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 929
From: Bothell, Washington
Posted: 2009-12-18 11:34 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2009-12-18 04:56, woofmutt wrote:
Any ad where they show Santa shopping at a particular store because the bargains are so great or Santa finding an item that's so wonderful he orders several thousand of them and then asks if they deliver...Ho-ho-ho!

Ads featuring the surprise Christmas visit...A son, daughter, family, or zombie uncle showing up Christmas Eve or morning are tiresome and go against social norms. Everyone knows that if you go out of your way to spend Thanksgiving with the relatives you're under no obligation to get together with them for Christmas. It's rude of Folger's or Lowe's to suggest otherwise.

And any ad for booze that suggests I should enjoy it responsibly makes me wanna grab a bottle and drink it while roller skating on my roof.





I want to see Woofy irresponsibly drunk and skating on his roof!

I want to strangle that daughter in the commercial where she and mom are yapping it up on their laptops and mom goes out on the deck and there's the daughter "Surprise" - she looks and sounds like mom's gonna kick her ass for showing up uninvited!

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[ This Message was edited by: beadtiki 2009-12-18 11:36 ]


 
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The Gnomon
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 01, 2007
Posts: 1293
From: MD-DC-VA
Posted: 2009-12-18 11:41 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2009-12-18 06:31, Chip and Andy wrote:

Winter Solstice



Much older than Christmas is Yule, the pagan holiday that occurs on the hibernal solstice.

You've heard of the 12 days of Christmas. That is taken directly from pagan tradition. The traditional pagan Yule Log was huge. It took 12 days to burn. They'd start on one end and keep advancing the log into the fire little by little until it was all used up. During those 12 days there were pretty much constant festivities, culminating on Yule at the solstice. The practice of decorating trees with ornaments also came from the pagan Yuletide traditions. They would find a magnificent specimen, typically a fruitbearing tree or other sacred hardwood. The decorations and the blessings they would bestow upon those trees were to ensure a bountiful growing season in the coming year. Wassailing is the predecessor of caroling. The pagans during Yuletide would go from farmhouse to farmhouse singing and partying.

Continuing the Yule Log tradition in the 1800s.










[ This Message was edited by: The Gnomon 2009-12-18 11:43 ]


 
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tikiyaki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 18, 2004
Posts: 2710
From: The Exotic Port of REDONDO BEACH, CA
Posted: 2009-12-18 11:49 am   Permalink

All of it !

 
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Swanky
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 03, 2002
Posts: 5065
From: Hapa Haole Hideaway, TN
Posted: 2009-12-18 12:02 pm   Permalink

I hate having to decorate, find time to shop for people I don't know well enough to buy for, and they have shit. I mean, come on? If I want soemthing, I buy it my own damned self! I can buy for my wife, and my daughter, but, otherwise... I figure half of it will get thrown away. And who has the time for all this? Why destroy time off on all this?

What I do like? Seeing old friends and family. I'll gladly spend time and money on food and drink.

Don't get me anything. I have too much. I won't pretend I know what you want on your walls or bookshelf or back. It's a giant guilt trip.

Please let's just boil this down to a family and friends reunion party. And small children. I can do for them...


 
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talo ka
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 26, 2007
Posts: 451
From: tampa, fla
Posted: 2009-12-18 6:04 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2009-12-18 01:58, GROG wrote:
Oops! Sorry Talo, GROG buy this for you for Christmas, but since you don't want it, GROG take it back.






DOH. but i really appriciate the thought GROG.


 
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talo ka
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 26, 2007
Posts: 451
From: tampa, fla
Posted: 2009-12-18 6:07 pm   Permalink

[quote]
On 2009-12-18 11:34, beadtiki wrote:
Quote:

I want to strangle that daughter in the commercial where she and mom are yapping it up on their laptops and mom goes out on the deck and there's the daughter "Surprise" - she looks and sounds like mom's gonna kick her ass for showing up uninvited!

_________________
"Something, something, something, Dark Side, something, something."





here here, slap that whiny bish in tha head


 
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woofmutt
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 2610
From: Seattilite Telstar
Posted: 2010-12-08 5:03 pm   Permalink

Hilarious science based explanations as to how Santa could do all the things he needs to do on Christmas Eve. These usually always involve speculative technologies that don't actually exist outside of the North Pole. What the scientists never explain is why Santa doesn't bring presents to all the kids who want them or why he so often brought things you didn't want.

And speaking of unwanted gifts and since Santa is apparently very scientifically advanced and this is being posted on the Internet...

    Dear Santa,

    I know you're mostly familiar with snowballs so I don't hold any actual grudge but let me make something clear for you: A basketball is not a soccer ball.

    Enjoy your wormholed time and space bending trip this Xmas Eve,

    Woofmutt

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woofmutt
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 2610
From: Seattilite Telstar
Posted: 2010-12-08 5:09 pm   Permalink

NO more fruitcake jokes, please. We have plenty.

Yeah yeah, everyone hates fruitcake, no one actually ever eats fruitcake, fruitcake will outlast the cockroaches that'll outlast the humans...Ha-ha-yaaaaaawn.

Some fruitcake jokes can be funny (like in the heartwarming
Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special). But most fruitcake jokes are as stale as some sorta Christmas pastry left over from last year.

If you think you're funny and you wanna riff on some holiday tradition and you noticed no one likes fruitcake yet it seems to be everywhere do us all a favor and notice something else. Like maybe how old folks will tape sticky backed bows to packages so they can reuse the bows next Christmas even though the bows come in bags of one hundred that only costs three bucks. Now that's hilarious.
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King Bushwich the 33rd
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Posts: 1202
From: Ling Cod Beach, CA 90803
Posted: 2011-11-25 2:10 pm   Permalink

I hate it when people pepper spray each other when Christmas shopping.
20 Injured in Black Friday Pepper Spray Attack

Now pouring boiling oil on people? That's a tradition.





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[ This Message was edited by: King Bushwich the 33rd 2011-11-25 15:33 ]


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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5824
From: CaliTikifornia
Posted: 2011-11-25 8:26 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2009-12-18 06:13, naugatiki wrote:

Christmas porn, who is this suppose to appeal to? I don't want to be around the person who it does on Christmas day when we unwrap the presents under the tree, one yule log is plenty.










 
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woofmutt
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 2610
From: Seattilite Telstar
Posted: 2011-12-05 08:12 am   Permalink

What a Holiday Surprise!

Here's another thread of holiday moans and groans!



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