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Okay kids... your best fart stories. |
mig
Official Man-About-Town 
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 320
From: Sunnycupertoga, CA
|  Posted: 2003-08-08 7:33 pm
I'm probably going to hate myself for this. But I have previously pondered posting this topic, and have always thought better of it. But now, after this thread--
http://tikiroom.com/tikicentral/bb/viewtopic.php?topic=4988&forum=6&9
I think the time has come.
And besides, farts are ALWAYS funny.
So if you will all excuse me for letting this topic slip out, bring it on! Your best fart stories. Feel free to blame them on an unnamed "friend", as Constitutional presumption requires that we believe you.
I think my favorite was a coworker (of course!) introducing one with: "witness the awesome power of this fully functional Death Star."
-mig
p.s. "It's the fart game, son... you'll play it some day."
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cynfulcynner
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 24, 2002
Posts: 1800
From: Ocean Beach, San Francisco
| Posted: 2003-08-08 11:56 pm
Go. Here. Now.
http://www.createafart.com/
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fartsatune
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 25, 2002
Posts: 252
From: vancouver
| Posted: 2003-08-09 02:27 am
I find this topic offensive!
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Shipwreckjoey
Grand Member (first year)
Joined: Nov 29, 2002
Posts: 1793
From: San Diego, CA
| Posted: 2003-08-09 02:47 am
Have you tuned into "the Terrance & Phillip Show" recently?
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
| Posted: 2003-08-09 06:53 am
Nothing beats Crystal Chandeleir setting her pants on fire attempting a 'blue angel'.
We wanted to see if it relly worked after spending one hungover morning watching a frat boy movie... yep, it does.
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purple jade
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 19, 2003
Posts: 1450
From: New Orleans
| Posted: 2003-08-09 09:19 am
Well, the responses from fartsatune and tikifish, as well as the reference to Terrance and Philip, clinch it; Canadians are funny people (and they enjoy their farting).
Sentiment from my bro Derek, when told women don't fart:
"Oh they do it, they're just not as proud of it."
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Jungle Trader
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jan 04, 2003
Posts: 3467
From: Trader's Jungle Outpost, Turlock, Ca.
| Posted: 2003-08-09 12:49 pm
Women don't fart. If they do, it smells like perfume. That's why men have to counterattack.
When I was single I ate a lot of tuna fish burritos and I wondered why nobody wanted to come into my room. Now that I eat proper, it's no longer a problem. heh,heh.
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5375
From: CaliTikifornia
| Posted: 2003-08-09 1:21 pm
Farting Commercial
Right click on link and choose "save target as" and then select "open"
http://www.planetdognine.com/features/humor/files/rrrrip.mpeg
[ This Message was edited by: Unga Bunga on 2003-08-09 13:21 ]
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5375
From: CaliTikifornia
| Posted: 2003-08-09 2:01 pm
Blazing Saddles
http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/saddles/sounds/beans.wav
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Kenike
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 24, 2003
Posts: 1174
From: McKinney, TX
| Posted: 2003-08-09 2:52 pm
My 4 year old farted in my face the other day.
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martiki
Official Mixologist
Joined: Mar 29, 2002
Posts: 3040
From: http://www.smugglerscovesf.com
| Posted: 2003-08-09 6:02 pm
My secret recipe is a Guinness and a taqueria burrito (al pastor) con refrieds. Stay the hell out of my zip code when that happens.
My cousin always referred to lighting your farts as "the eternal blue flame". I had some friends that didn't believe it worked when we were hanging out last winter. I assured them it did and demonstrated. Briefly set my PJs on fire as well.
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kctiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Apr 22, 2003
Posts: 438
From: Kansas City
| Posted: 2003-08-10 11:43 am
Just remember mig, you asked for it. I held off 'til the 10th out of respect for Int'l Tiki Day.
My younger sister has better fart stories than I do. She's been obsessed with them since she was old enough to talk. She's got a collection of farting devises and sets them off within earshot when her boss is interviewing someone for a job. He's the director of human resources.
Her husband farts all the time, even in public. But he's real chauvinistic about it and thinks it's disgusting when women fart.
One morning he happened to put his hand on her butt right when she had to fart. It was the moment she'd been waiting for since they said "I do." It was a real long fart and she could feel it was actually vibrating his hand.
He jumped up out of the bed holding his hand out in front of him like it was radioactive, completely freaked out. I think they were made for eachother.
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naughtykitty
Tiki Centralite
Joined: Jul 15, 2003
Posts: 13
From: Lawrence, KS
| Posted: 2003-08-11 12:05 pm
My brother sat on my face and farted when I was little.
My husband and I both have a lot of digestive problems, so we've had to embrace all of our nasty, stank farts. If one has real staying power, we name it. So far we've had Alice and Edward (both from me!)
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mig
Official Man-About-Town
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 320
From: Sunnycupertoga, CA
| Posted: 2003-08-11 4:46 pm
Okay, I wasn't going to mention this one, but what the hell. Anyway, a couple weeks ago, after a particularly enjoyable Mission burrito, I later re-enacted that Blazing Saddles scene.
By myself.
(Fortunately nobody was around.)
Also, I did have a roommate in college prove that the "blue flame" worked. In the middle of a Monopoly game played on the coffee table, he got up and squatted over a votive candle that was there and... well, you know the rest.
[ This Message was edited by: mig on 2003-08-11 16:49 ]
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freddiefreelance
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 15, 2003
Posts: 2908
From: San Diego, Ca.
| Posted: 2003-08-12 12:31 pm
While in college a group of us performed many blue flame "experiments." We'd turn off the lights in the dorm office & light'em up. We discovered that bluejeans seem to difuse the gas somewhat, making it difficult to light'em. Try wearing shorts, or something light like gaberdine. Also, one of my dormmates scorched his BVDs one evening, please be careful how high the flame is.
My wife's brother is the farter in the family, he owns a Lincoln Navigator so he can lock the doors & windows and force everyone to enjoy them as much as he does. One evening he was performing for us as usual, with much of the family as a captive audience. One of the Kentucky cousins was gasping & scrabbling at the ceiling saying: "Aren't oxygen masks supposed to drop out of this thing?"
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Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., D.F.S
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