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Jokes (some good, some stupid) |
Jungle Trader
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jan 04, 2003
Posts: 3693
From: Trader's Jungle Outpost, Turlock, Ca.
|  Posted: 2009-05-11 10:42 pm Permalink
I was at the bank today; there was a short line, just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She axed the teller, "Why it change? Yesserday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
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VampiressRN
Grand Member (5 years) 
Joined: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 5137
From: Sin City Lincoln Hills (NorCal)
| Posted: 2009-05-18 6:29 pm Permalink
When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck and toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds.
When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.
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 "Oh waiter, another cocktail please!!!"
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Jungle Trader
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jan 04, 2003
Posts: 3693
From: Trader's Jungle Outpost, Turlock, Ca.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 1:05 pm Permalink
Ever had Rodeo Sex?
Yeah, when you're havin' a doggy style with your wife/girlfriend and you tell her that her girlfriend was better, see how long you can stay on. YEEEEEHAW!
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pappythesailor
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 1563
From: Mass.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 1:54 pm Permalink
Quote:
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On 2007-01-25 10:44, Jungle Trader wrote:
Ever heard of Rodeo sex?
That's when you're doin' your girl or wife doggy style and you tell her that her girlfriend was better, then see how long you can stay on.
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Heard that one somewhere before.
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2084
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 3:17 pm Permalink
I keep wondering why the Frisbee is getting bigger.
Then it hits me.
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2084
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 3:18 pm Permalink
Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines!
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2084
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 3:19 pm Permalink
Silence is Golden.
Duct Tape is Silver.
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2084
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 3:19 pm Permalink
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
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Chip and Andy
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 2084
From: Corner table, Molokai Lounge, Mai-Kai.
| Posted: 2009-08-04 3:20 pm Permalink
I like cats too!
Let's exchange recipes....
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Heath
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Dec 31, 2005
Posts: 582
From: Suburban San Diego (The Drawer)
| Posted: 2010-01-15 6:23 pm Permalink
Floor collapses during Weight Watchers weigh-in
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beadtiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 929
From: Bothell, Washington
| Posted: 2010-01-15 8:34 pm Permalink
I was under the impression that EVERYONE in Sweden was thin and beautiful! LOL Frankly, this is one of my biggest fears - you wouldn't believe how lightly I tread! 
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Heath
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Dec 31, 2005
Posts: 582
From: Suburban San Diego (The Drawer)
| Posted: 2010-01-29 12:00 pm Permalink
Her story-
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar to meet him, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late. He didn't say anything much about it. He seemed silent, distracted and his only eye contact seemed judgmental. I decided maybe I should never wear that dress again. Well, maybe it was the colour. Maybe I should never wear this colour again either. The conversation was so slow going so I thought maybe we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. He didn't really seem to agree, but we went off to this quiet, little restaurant and he's STILL acting a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him up, be witty and tell cute stories, but I start to wonder whether it's me or something else. He doesn't smile much, so I ask him, but he says no. But you know I'm not really sure. I wonder and then I think about the 5 pounds I gained this past month. I bet he thinks I'm a fat hog now. Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me, but doesn't squeeze. I don't know what the hell this all means or what I should think because you know he doesn't say it back or do anything. We finally get back to his place and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I'm going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes or so, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seems really, really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I roll over and sniffle a little real quietly. He snores. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else?
His story-
Shitty day at work. Really tired. Got laid, though.
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MadDogMike
Grand Member (3 years) 
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 6492
From: The Anvil of the Sun
| Posted: 2010-02-19 2:52 pm Permalink
Bob came home drunk one night from one too many at Smuggler's COve, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'
Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never,' said Bob.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....
Bob! Wake up. You crapped the bed!'
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Clay, the oldest and most divine art media;
"And now, from the clay of the ground, the Lord God formed man" Genesis 2:7
Pirate Ship Tree House
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little lost tiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 12, 2006
Posts: 7463
From: Orange,CA-right near the Circle!
| Posted: 2010-02-20 08:48 am Permalink
boomerangs are making a comeback....
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beadtiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 929
From: Bothell, Washington
| Posted: 2010-05-13 10:41 am Permalink
How do you get an elephant into a plastic grocery store bag?
You remove the "S" from Safe and the "F" from Way.
There is no "f" in way (no f'in way) Har har!
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