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How to tell if your ventriloquist puppet is evil |
hanford_lemoore
Grand Member (6 years) 
Joined: Mar 23, 2002
Posts: 1830
From: Tiki Central
|  Posted: 2003-11-14 1:58 pm
1.Make a large, roaring fire.
2.Within earshot of the doll say “Well, I think it’s about time I get rid of this ventriloquist doll … it’s not doing me any good no more”.
3.Pick up the doll and say “I think this will burn up real good in the fire”
4.Walk towards the fire.
5.Make like you’re going to throw the doll into the fire on the count of 3.
At this point, if your doll is evil, you’ll feel a bite on your arm, or a punch, or some other violent reaction. The doll will try to get out of your grasp, and, if successful, will run away, most likely with an evil cackle out of it’s smiling mouth. Be careful … he’s not fleeing from you; he’s only looking for a place to hide in order to attack you later.
If nothing happens, your doll is probably not evil. You now have 2 choices: Throw it into the fire anyway, or put it away. Warning: If you do not throw the doll in the fire, it is suggested that you take a knife with you to bed. It’s possible the doll IS evil but knew you were testing it, and is waiting for you to go to sleep before attempting to strangle you.
~Hanford
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freddiefreelance
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 15, 2003
Posts: 2908
From: San Diego, Ca.
| Posted: 2003-11-14 2:08 pm
Yuo've been watching the Twilight Zone marathon again, haven't you?  Mexican Horror films are good for evil dolls, too.
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Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., D.F.S
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Slacks Ferret
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Oct 02, 2003
Posts: 949
From: Calgary
| Posted: 2003-11-14 2:18 pm
Thanks for the tips Hanford! I'll try it out tonight!
-Slacks
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purple jade
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 19, 2003
Posts: 1450
From: New Orleans
| Posted: 2003-11-14 3:17 pm
This is a moot argument...everyone knows all ventriloquist's dummies are evil, as are their cousins, clowns.
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FLOUNDERart
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Posts: 1139
From: Orlando Florida
| Posted: 2003-11-14 3:53 pm
Hanford scares me!
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Unga Bunga
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jun 06, 2003
Posts: 5375
From: CaliTikifornia
| Posted: 2003-11-14 5:11 pm
If you don't have an evil puppet, you can get one here!
http://www.puppetterrors.com
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pablus
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Jul 23, 2003
Posts: 2011
From: www.crazedmugs.com
| Posted: 2003-11-14 10:20 pm
This is the funniest thread I've read in months. Unga Bunga - that link will give me the mental mastery over my sister that I've always craved.
Hanford, whatever it is that you're smoking/drinking/taking/meditating on... I want some.
Absolutely hilarious.
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hanford_lemoore
Grand Member (6 years)
Joined: Mar 23, 2002
Posts: 1830
From: Tiki Central
| Posted: 2003-11-15 2:54 pm
Quote:
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On 2003-11-14 22:20, pablus wrote:
Hanford, whatever it is that you're smoking/drinking/taking/meditating on... I want some. |
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you can get it right here. 
And thanks for the compliments!
~Hanford
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freddiefreelance
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 15, 2003
Posts: 2908
From: San Diego, Ca.
| Posted: 2003-11-15 3:13 pm
The next thread: How to Tell When Your Donut's Evil!
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Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., D.F.S
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purple jade
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 19, 2003
Posts: 1450
From: New Orleans
| Posted: 2003-11-15 3:21 pm
I bit into a Krispy Kreme lemon donut once, all a-quiver with anticipation of that lemony goodness and it was EMPTY.
That was evil.
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suicide_sam
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
Posts: 667
From: LBC
| Posted: 2003-11-15 3:49 pm
The fire tip is a good one. ACcording to urban legends fire is the only way to get rid of something evil. That is why you can not mearly throw away your Ouiji board, it will simply keep reappearing in your house. If you want to destroy something born in the bowels of hell it must burn with the same fire that gave it life. I remember Movie Macabre this is a fact. Speaking of Movie Macabre what ever happenned to Elvira. Man she must be like a hundred now and I would still do her.
Oops, once again, I think I've said to much.
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kctiki
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Apr 22, 2003
Posts: 438
From: Kansas City
| Posted: 2003-11-16 04:57 am
This reminds me of the old movie where the handsome ventriloquist is really the dummy and the dummy is really the ventriloquist.
The evil little bastard tricks a lonely woman into marrying him because she thinks she's marrying a suave, good looking ventriloquist.
It's a very creepy old flick - I can't remember the name of it.
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martiki
Official Mixologist
Joined: Mar 29, 2002
Posts: 3040
From: http://www.smugglerscovesf.com
| Posted: 2003-11-17 3:57 pm
All Krispy Kreme donuts ae evil. Don't believe the hype! Buy real donuts!
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purple jade
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Feb 19, 2003
Posts: 1450
From: New Orleans
| Posted: 2003-11-17 4:35 pm
But I like KK donuts. Bein' as how they were allegedly inspired by N.O. beignets.
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Johnny Dollar
Tiki Socialite
Joined: Oct 01, 2003
Posts: 2626
From: Baltimore, Maryland, PNG
| Posted: 2003-11-17 4:38 pm
Indeed, the 1975 movie Trilogy of Terror had the final third dedicated to a Zuni Fetish Doll that coincidentally blended ventriloquist creepiness with tiki formalism. Karen Black figured out the fire thing... kind of.
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[ This Message was edited by: Johnny Dollar on 2003-11-17 16:38 ]
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