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Tiki Central Forums General Tiki "Mai Tai in a blender" (and other tiki nightmares)
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"Mai Tai in a blender" (and other tiki nightmares)
Formikahini
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 22, 2002
Posts: 1502
From: Houston, Texotica
Posted: 2004-06-24 11:10 pm   Permalink

Its true.

There I was last week, strolling along the River Walk in downtown San Antonio, when....I see it. An outside menu with tiki mugs, offering drinks with the name Fogcutter, Planters Punch, and, yes, Mai Tai. Eureka! I had found SOMEthing other than margaritas (which I love, mind you).

I scramble up the steps into Hunan River Garden, a generic-looking Chinese restaurant. Do - do you serve these drinks? Out, out of these mugs?! I stammer in my excitement. The middle-aged Chinese woman assures me that yes, We have that one [meaning the mug], and that one, no that one, no that one, etc. I ask for the standard the standard by which I measure a tiki bar: Mai Tai.

I settle into my table back outside, fingering the fake bamboo chairs in approval. I look out over the gentle waves in the water (and the bigger waves of whitebread tourists), near drooling with anticipation of the cloudy red-brown yumminess Im about to be served.

And then she comes with my drink.

Its white.

Its whipped.

It looks like a banana milkshake.

Um, excuse me. I ordered a Mai Tai.

Yes, this Mai Tai.

But........its white. Is that milk?

No, no milk. Its Mai Tai.

I go inside and try not to have an argument with the bartender, aka the same middle aged woman who told me they served in the mugs. But its an international drink! Its a standard recipe! Is yours the normal recipe?
It our special recipe we make it here!
After some clarification (ok, I was getting near-irate), I get a Fogcutter. But I had to specify: do NOT put it in a blender.

Yes, a blender. We put all our drinks in blender. We sell lotta Mai Tais. Very popular drink.

I did finally sniff the milkshake-looking concoction, and indeed, it did smell like a Mai Tai. Maybe I shoulda tried it. But I just couldnt, you know? Could you drink a blended rum and Coke? A blended Scotch on the rocks? A blended martini?

To end on a positive note, my Fogcutter (which did taste as I remember Fogcutters are supposed to taste) got me quite buzzed. Yeah, it was on an empty stomach and Im kinda a lightweight, but it only took one I had to walk around for another hour before I drove back to the dorms.

(Who was it on here who had little pocket sized tiki drink recipes? I would have given my eyeteeth for one at that bar.......)
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dogbytes
Grand Member (8 years)  

Joined: Mar 24, 2002
Posts: 2242
From: seattle, wa
Posted: 2004-06-24 11:52 pm   Permalink

did you get to keep the mug?

elicia
who's chuckling to herself ~ chinese waiters, not exactly customer service oriented.


 
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Feelin' Zombified
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jul 15, 2003
Posts: 1329
From: The Exotic Shores of Lake St. Clair
Posted: 2004-06-25 06:38 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2004-06-24 23:10, Formikahini wrote:
A blended Scotch on the rocks?



Seeing as how I love Scotch (I have 4x as many bottles than rums, I have to admit ) And I am a Slurpee addict... HHMmmm
What was the problem again?

Oh yeah. The first time I went to Chin's (the Other Chin's, not ChinTiki) the served our drinks blended, in fact about 1/3 of the Chinese joints around here do.

-Z
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naugatiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jan 02, 2004
Posts: 836
From: Port Angeles, Wa
Posted: 2004-06-25 07:22 am   Permalink

I see Bartels and James carry a Blue Hawaii flavored Wine Cooler, any takers?

 
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Johnny Dollar
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Oct 01, 2003
Posts: 2962
From: Baltimore, Maryland, PNG
Posted: 2004-06-25 07:28 am   Permalink

*gag*

have you all noticed that the "wine" coolers no longer contain wine like in the old days? now it's basically a processed "malt product" i.e. they filter the beery flavor out of some beer and sugar and flavor it up. erg...

mai tai slurpees would be cool from 7-11, but a restaurant?... naw...

p.s. "mai tai in a blender..." i could see morrisey remaking "girlfriend in a coma" with those lyrics...

i know it's serious...



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[ This Message was edited by: Johnny Dollar on 2004-06-25 07:30 ]


 
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Iolani
Tiki Centralite

Joined: Sep 30, 2003
Posts: 89
Posted: 2004-06-25 08:51 am   Permalink

Jesus H Christ, what kind of alcoholic are you? You've got booze in hand, drink it up! It might have been a bastardization of a classic drink, but after a couple, would it have mattered?

 
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mrsmiley
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 03, 2002
Posts: 3172
From: Las Vegas, NV
Posted: 2004-06-25 12:46 pm   Permalink

A few years ago I went into an old Chinese restaurant in Fairfield, Ca that had a lounge. I noticed two coconut mugs on a back shelf and asked if she could make a couple Mai-Tais and put them in the coconuts. "Yes" the bartender answered and she washed years of dust off the mugs and went to work. About halfway through the process of pouring booze, etc, she took the mugs into the back room (who do they think they are-the MAI-KAI!?!?!) and returned a few minutes later with the "mai-tais". We looked down at the mugs and could see the remnants of RED POWDER on the inside rim of the mugs. We took a couple gulps and...these two drinks became THE WORST I have ever had!!!
I made a new "rule" because of this; if I am not sure of the ability of a bartender to make a Polynesian cocktail, NEVER order two of the same. They BOTH might suck!!! If I am feeling REALLY timid, I might just order "rum and orange juice" or something failsafe like that. Now for some good tiki drinks in Portland this weekend...Cheers!!!
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MachTiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 16, 2004
Posts: 1363
From: San Diego, CA
Posted: 2004-06-25 1:30 pm   Permalink

When it comes to ordering Mai Tai's, my standard rule of thumb is to ask the bartender what they put in it. As soon as I hear the word Grenadine... I change my mind and order a Margarita. If they hesitate... I change my mind and order a Margarita. So far I have had two bartenders say that the recipe was a secret - and both times I wasn't let down.
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Formikahini
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 22, 2002
Posts: 1502
From: Houston, Texotica
Posted: 2004-06-25 8:28 pm   Permalink

No, Dogbytes, I didn't get to keep the mug (had all of 'em they had, anyway).

Johnny Dollar, I am in tears with your new Morrisey song (and accompanying artwork!). PerFECtion.

Iolani, sounds like you need a new Smiths song to replace "Hand in Glove": "Booze in Hand."

MrSmiley and MachTiki: sage advice from both of you, and I think you both understand my fear: I did NOT want a Mai Tai in any form to be The Worst Drink I Had Ever Tasted. Save that title for a rancid wine cooler, a screwdriver made with bad o.j., or wine-gone-vinegar.

Not The Sacred Mai Tai.
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lanikai
Tiki Socialite

Joined: May 15, 2004
Posts: 490
From: Hawaii
Posted: 2004-06-25 10:17 pm   Permalink

in the islands if someone handed us what looked to be blended shave ice, we take um.
and if they said da buggah was a maitai insai...
gone in ten seconds.
another please?!


 
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Jay_G
Tiki Centralite

Joined: Jun 06, 2004
Posts: 21
From: NH
Posted: 2004-06-26 08:19 am   Permalink

The place that has my favorite Mai Tai doesn't tell what it in them.

They are very seacrative about it. Which is weird because it's a small Chinese restarunt.

Was once called TIKI Lau and was very Polinesian looking, now it's called Wayloon and isn't very TIKI at all. But the food is MUCH better then it once was.

I'm not sure if the American Bartenders even know what's in the Mai Tai. They use three white plastic bottles, maybe they are mixed by managment, so the bartenders down't know how to do it.

I had a Mai Tai at another place this week and it was probibly made with the same stuff but wasn't as good. Maybe the used Cheep rum.


 
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cheekytiki
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 09, 2004
Posts: 1091
From: The Haole Hut, London, UK
Posted: 2004-06-26 08:35 am   Permalink

Hey Formikahini, theres a bar over here you must check out when you're here. Their Mai-Tai will definately wash that bad experience from your taste buds, its the best I've ever had.

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Tiki Rider
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Oct 05, 2002
Posts: 497
From: South Orange County, CA
Posted: 2004-06-27 5:05 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2004-06-25 07:22, naugatiki wrote:
I see Bartels and James carry a Blue Hawaii flavored Wine Cooler, any takers?



...and dont forget Boones Farm. They have a Blue Hawaiian drink.
I am tempted to try it but hey I drink coors light now and then too. Thank god for Chasers.


 
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tikifish
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 2720
From: Toronto,Canada
Posted: 2004-06-27 9:06 pm   Permalink

I'm with Iolani on this one. Drink up!

 
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mrsmiley
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 03, 2002
Posts: 3172
From: Las Vegas, NV
Posted: 2004-10-13 4:47 pm   Permalink

Not a Tiki story, but a bad drink one. The last time I was in San Jose, I drove by an old bar called Jacks and decided to check it out. Nothing too special inside, a little updated but still has a fair amount of "old bar feel". I decided to order a Manhattan and I ask the bar tender what well Bourbon they use. For the next two or three minutes she is looking behind the bar and back bar and eventually comes back and says that they have no Bourbon-surprised i ask "you don't even have Jim Beam??". She continues to look for another two minutes or so and returns with a "no". I decide to get a Tanquery Martini instead. She chills the glass (a good sign) and then looks for the Dry Vermouth. Another minute or two of searching and I speak up and tell her where the bottle is. She pours the iced water out of the Martini glass and proceeds to pour the Gin straight into the glass. Then she adds a float of the Dry Vermouth. No shaking or stirring in ice, no mixing at all! She brings me the drink, and I ask if she has any olives...another minute or two of searching in the big fridge and she comes back with a "no". It was weird to have a (basically) room temperature Martini!
At least she was a friendly and apologetic bartender! Cheers!!
_________________
I'm the most thirstiesterest of all!
TRADER VIC'S, Vintage, Vegas & more on EBAY 1957SPUTNIK
http://shop.ebay.com/1957sputnik/m.html
If you like it, it is ZAZZ! If you don't it is RAZZ!


 
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